reflecting on the most chaotic year of my life as a Hello! Project fan (SPARK 2023, individual events, general wota activities)
First time sending a birthday card, applying for concerts, meeting local wota, finally seeing my oshis, accidentally buying double of things... A year of many "firsts"!
A deeply informal review of my 2023
Hi! Thanks for stopping by. I'm Chloe if you didn't already know. I follow Shimakura Rika and Arisawa Ichika closely, while also following their respective groups more generally. I don't think I've ever put myself out there in long-form text, so I'm feeling like I need to do a re-introduction... If I had to describe myself, I'd say that my friends know me to love my favorite things a little too hard. This is a roundabout way of saying that I put 150% into everything that I do!! Working, studying, even relaxing, I always have to be fighting something!!
As a wota, I feel like that part of myself really starts to come out. I try to do everything that I possibly can from overseas. Like- do the online events, buy all the streaming, collect goods, stream the music videos, religiously blog comment, stay up really late to watch the concerts... I'm not saying this is what a wota from overseas SHOULD be doing, but this is the way I try to show my support! And just like it looks and sounds, it is really, really exhausting sometimes. I think my support usually shows in how I post something whenever I feel crazy. I try not to take anything too seriously, and I like to joke around a lot but... At heart, I'm a serious person...
After doing this for about 5 years now, I think 2023 was the year I finally started experiencing burnout. It's definitely not that I'm getting bored of my favorite idols, if anything, I would say that I love them even more than I ever have before! There isn't a definite answer that I have for it. Could it be release patterns? Stress catching up to me? The passage of time? It could even be all of the above, but I can't deny how tired I've been feeling lately. Before you say anything, I did try distance! But... isn't that like, the entire existence of being an overseas wota? Being a billion miles away from your oshi!? So, riding on that thought, I decided to close the distance and do the complete opposite: Go! To! Japan!
Before we continue, I would like to honor several things I accomplished as a wota this year:
- Sent birthday cards to the Hello! Project shop for the first time
- Went to concerts / individual events for the first time
- Bought double Limistas on accident for the first time
- Most amount of Limista purchased and won in 1 year
- Most amount of goods purchased in 1 year
- Most amount of wota friends met in 1 year
- Most amount of withLIVEs purchased in 1 year
- Most amount of times cried over this hobby in 1 year (positive)
...and more! congratulations to me I guess
"Motome yo... Unmei no Tabibitozan / Yume sae Egakenai Yozora ni wa" and... WithLIVE!
For our routinely singular musical release of the year, BEYOOOOONDS gave me a gift in the form of Tabibitozan and Yume sae. At first, I wasn't exactly blown away by it? This single didn't seem to have as much of the BEYOOOOONDS "feel" as the previous releases have, but time really helped me realize that it very much has the BEYO-feel. Personally, the BEYO-feel has been rooted in shock value. The shock I got from the concepts of the previous releases made following them really fun for me, so that's the feeling I tend to associate them with. But, when talking about BEYO, the most important quality of theirs is their kindness and love for one another. That's what I got from this single!
Particularly, I'm really in love with the pang of nostalgia and warmth that the Tabibitozan music video gives me. Seeing their history laid out like that gives me the chills!! The time that I've spent with this group really flew by right in front of my eyes, and it was almost scary. I realized that, going forward, I'm going to have to appreciate this precious time we have left even more.
Then there's WithLIVE! Because I'm attached to the point of no return, somehow the amount of calls I purchase increases with every single. Buying more calls because I'm saving money by not being able to go to the in-person events.... that's girl math
This year's calls with Shimakura Rika, summarized:
March 11th (call 1)
To celebrate their 2nd Budokan, I threw confetti into the air for her! Except the confetti did not fly. But she laughed so it was worth it!
March 11th (call 2)
I told her that my birthday was on the next day! For some reason I made a weird slip in Japanese and ended up sounding like a baby and that made her laugh. And then she called me cute. Top 10 craziest moments of my life.
March 11th (call 3)
I told her that I bought a charcoal grill for my own birthday. I think this was the happiest I've ever seen her be. She excitedly told me "Please please go grill yourself some oysters!"
March 18th (call 1)
First call of the day. Nerves at the highest level. Even though I see a photo of her pretty much everyday she's so cute that I go into shock. Tell her "you've been really working hard lately" and she says "oh no not at all lol"
March 18th (call 2)
I drop the news that I'm going to go see her while I'm in Japan. She goes into shock. I go into shock. Actually it was really nice.. It was a really happy and wonderful 30 seconds of my life celebrating together with her.
April 21st (call 1)
Is it really a WithLIVE if I don't panic and forget what I wanted to talk about??? I was like "omg I'm so sorry... I forgot what to say" and she told me "nonono you're good! Your Japanese is so good how did you learn!" and I had to put my face in my hands and tell her "because of you". This is in the top 10 craziest moments of my life.
April 21st (call 2)
This is kind of niche but in a radio one time she started roleplaying as Spiderman and so I told her "when I go to Japan I hope to meet Spiderman for the first time!" and then when she realized what I was referencing she laughed at me and played along. This is also in the top 10 craziest moments of my life.
Every time I get the opportunity to do these calling events, I'm never prepared. This year, talking points were either decided on the day or 10 minutes before the call. I'm actually pretty proud of myself for this? Like, go me! Being rewarded for procrastination once again. But I digress!
I got to tell her that I'm finally going to go see her! At this point in time, I only knew about SPARK 2023, and that I might not be able to actually go and talk to her at an individual event. Which brings us to..
SPARK 2023
aka the day my life changed forever
I can't help but say that this might've been the best day of my entire life. Or maybe the most stressful yet rewarding day of my life? Either definition works. This was going to be the first time I ever see BEYO in concert. The experience was also everything I imagined it to be-- the set was amazing, all the fans around me were so warm and kind, and BEYOOOOONDS was life-changing.
I can't deny that the process of getting there was extremely stressful, especially as someone who tends to worry a lot. When the event was first announced, I thought I'd have no trouble in going, and then I later found out that the tickets were being sold through an e-ticketing service.. Meaning, I'd need a Japanese phone number to verify my account to purchase. I did have a SIM card with one, but it wouldn't work until I was in the country... I was totally lost as to what to do at that point, and I was so close to throwing in the towel. I was so excited to finally see the group I've been supporting for so long! And to see that opportunity start to fall apart was crushing for me. I learned that the "Japanese concerts are impossible to go to without knowing someone" allegations are unfortunately true.
But then, a really kind friend came to my rescue!! I think this may have been one of the first times we've ever interacted, so their kindness took me by surprise. I couldn't help but think "wow.. This is the BEYO spirit that I'm experiencing firsthand?!" It sounds really cheesy but I cried out of happiness. It was mostly out of relief, but also I was just so grateful, and it was so inspiring!! Someday I hope I can return it..!
The day of the festival was also of course really stressful. I woke up at 4AM to get ready, and by the time I left to go and find the bus stop, it was 7AM. Because the festival is all the way in Yamanakako, I had to take the official festival bus that would be a 2 hour ride from Tokyo departing at 8AM. Embarrassingly enough it took me that entire hour to find the bus stop. What's even crazier is.. How do you even read bus seating charts in Japan??? Like I saw the seating chart that was posted and I was totally dumbfounded. What is this system. Maybe it was just my nerves getting the best of me, but I think the conductors felt so bad for me (one of them literally said "damn... Yeah I can see why she's confused") and then they made room for me in the front. To this day I have no idea how to read those lists. What do the numbers even mean. This will be elaborated on later.
After an excruciatingly embarrassing 3 hours later, I made it to Yamanakako! There was actually so much traffic, the bus was late and I ended up missing Miyamoto Karin's set (which was depressing because I was looking forward to seeing her). But, I got off the bus and made it! There were several thoughts on my mind. Like, "Jesus Christ Mt. Fuji is huge" "it's so hot" "is BEYO here" and so on. But first and foremost, where is my friend!
It turns out we were on the same bus, and I was able to meet up with them out at the front. I was super nervous about it, but I think they were some kind of communication genius and my Japanese wasn't super terrible so it went smoothly! One small culture shock I had about Japanese music festivals was, there's barely any bag checking?! And no clear bag policy? No pat downs either? This was the first of many (positive) culture shocks of the day.
In a way, I felt more like myself on that day. It was a ton of fun being able to meet lots of people who also love the same group that I do, and a lot more fun to talk about my oshimen with someone else! It was the first time I ever got to experience something like that. When I was there in circles of Beyowota, in many senses I was like a baby. It was my first time experiencing wota culture like this, I was also younger than most people there, and it was my first time to ever see the group! I found it really comforting to know that everyone around me were like veterans (lol). I enjoyed running around to go watch sets, getting to know everyone, and just taking it all in. Being in the middle of the cheering and listening to the regular wota conversations was one of my favorite parts of the day. It's one of those things that you don't expect to be so emotionally moving.
Some of my favorite points from that day:
- Looking at everyone in their oshi gear. so cool
- Learning about strategy in getting to the front (bargaining and negotiation). I didn't really have the words to say it, but the people that explained this to me were really good at it lol
- The best peach cider of my entire life. I had no idea fruit and water could taste that good
- Exchanging oshi episodes!! It was so surreal to do this in real life
- Witnessing a ticket exchange in real time. I learned from this and applied it later on in my trip
- Learning how to deal with the summer heat!! I would say that I don't really mind the heat (Southeast Asian blood) but that particular day was crazy
In the time following up to the BEYO set, I got to really feel the "idol" experience. I was at the main stage from around 4PM to 9PM, and it was probably the longest I've ever stood in one spot but it was so much fun. The first ever idols I've ever seen live actually were the Hello! Pro Kenshuusei '23 and oh my god I felt like a kid all over again. I had no idea how to react but every bone in my body was either crying or cheering. That day I got to see so many different idols while being surrounded by their fans, and it was eye-opening!! Despite not eating anything that day (I can't eat while nervous. I think I'd vomit) I'm glad that I was conscious enough to be able to take it all in. It really is something that you have to be there to actually know. To be surrounded by so much love was a first to me, and to enjoy it together with new friends was the best I could ever ask for!
By the time BEYO was going up on stage, the sun had already set and the stage lights went up. At this point I was so on edge. Standing in the crowd I was in total disbelief that 1. this group is real and 2. I'm seeing this group in like 5 minutes. I was about to sob.. Before this, a kind friend made me a sign that wrote "This girl came from America!" and the other wota were hoping to show it to Rika during the MC. I'm tall, so I offered to let the shorter wota ahead of me, but they insisted I be in front because it was my first time. I was so overwhelmed by the kindness they all showed me throughout the day, I almost started crying and then the BEYOOOOONDS overture started playing. My heart EXPLODED.
This was the setlist I was graced with:
1. Atsui!
2. Vitamin ME
-- MC--
3. Motome yo... Unmei no Tabibitozan
4. Renai Bugyo (THANK GOD)
5. Yume sae Egakenai Yozora ni wa
6. Only Lonely
--ENCORE--
7. Nippon no DNA
This was the setlist of my dreams. When they first came out all I could see were the glowing neon outfits. Seeing the full view of the stage and only just their glowing neon figures was absolutely surreal. Then the live piano came on as Atsui! started and I saw all of their faces. The videos do not lie. This sounds hilarious but they look exactly like they do in the videos. And in the moment that was crazy to me. When I saw THE real Shimakura Rika, in the flesh, I almost passed out. I couldn't believe my eyes, she was right in front of me the whole set!! We made eye contact, she smiled at me, and I made a half-smile half-sob face back and I don't think I'll ever forget that moment. The set itself was also the best. It felt like I prepared my entire life for that moment, to do the cheers and dances that I memorized. I also learned a couple new things, such as like how wota go absolutely crazy when Renai Bugyo comes on. Did you know that they even do the twirl? Beyowota are some of the most dedicated and fun-loving people I'll ever meet.
Moving back to the members, they're so pretty they're ethereal. I say this a lot, but they're everything I ever imagined them to be. Seeing the details that they put into their performances reinforced that thought for me. Everything from how they sing to their facial expressions, when they come onstage it's like getting thrown into a completely different world. If I had to compare it to something, it would probably be akin to something like going to a theme park for the first time. There's so much to see and experience, and when you look back the only thing you remember is how much fun you had. Ever since I saw them live in concert, every performance I saw after that felt like seeing them for the first time again.
Here are a few details that I really enjoyed:
- Maeda Kokoro is literally a goddess
- Uutan dances all the way to her fingertips.. How..
- Saya's legs are longer than in the photos
- Hime is super attentive to the audience. It's like she knows everyone!!!
- Nishi's whistle note is REAL and LIVE
- Shimakura Rika's dimples are visible probably from a mile away. they're like the north star to me. Her face is also really round like legit a circle and to be able to confirm that with my own eyes was just... Best feeling ever. Her eyes are huge. I feel like I say that a lot. Her dancing is also so cute, I feel like in the live videos it isn't really obvious, but she's a great dancer. I love her........
..is what stuck most with me! All 12 members really blew me away, gosh is this the best group to ever walk the earth.
Going to the MC, the members all introduced them with the theme of summer! Some of them were really funny and it was also surreal to even see this, especially after enjoying it through livestreams from like 3,000 miles away. We held up the sign and appealed to Rika and she saw us!! I almost fainted. I was grateful to the wota and grateful to my mother for giving birth to me.
When we hit Yume Sae was about the time I started tearing up. Everyone in the crowd actually sings along, and the feeling of togetherness is just a completely different experience. I was so happy to be there. The music ended, and then I heard the intro to Only Lonely and the floodgates went. I was crying SO hard. I've never cried in public so hard in my life. There were a couple things that made me start sobbing. The song meant the end of the set, I was surrounded by people I had grown to appreciate, and I was together with the group I've loved since forever. I looked to the side, and my friend I was with was crying, and then I started crying even more. To be honest I couldn't see a lot of it through my tears. Rika was directly in front of me for the majority of the song, and we made eye contact for a lot of that time too. Whenever she sang, "Let's play together again" "We'll definitely see each other again", she was looking at me, and wow, it was a scene I'll never forget. And I can't believe all she saw back was my sobbing-smiling face. When it came to the encore, she was also in front of me again! (Thanks to the wota who have her festival positioning memorized) The atmosphere changed, and I was able to cheer and dance, and just have the most fun I could have through my tears. My life was changed and my heart was re-wired. I'm so glad that I came to love BEYOOOOONDS.
When the set finished I think I was sobbing so hard none of the words that came out of my mouth were coherent. But I do remember saying something like "ohhh my god I love you guys for real". And then I panicked because I missed the bus home but very fortunately they prepared more buses for people to go home! I didn't actually know that. And the person right next to me had no idea either! They were really nice and funny, a Tsubaki Factory wota, and I had a lot of fun talking to them on the way home. It went from a 2 hour ride to a 4 hour ride because of the traffic, and it was funny to see the traffic and go "damn. this thing is not moving".
And going back to bus seating charts, how do you even read them?? This is what the conductor gave me for the night bus. What does this mean??? Do any of you know?? I was looking at the overhead labels on the seats, and I'm not too sure how to read this. I interpreted this as "row 10, seat 18" but the seats are labeled as row [number] and seat [letter]. This still haunts me to this day.
Event rush in Osaka!
Following the SPARK high, I was also able to go to Osaka to meet with BEYOOOOONDS members and talk to them! See this post that I wrote about the whole experience for more! I also got to talk with the friend I met at SPARK all the way until late at night, all about Rika! Another wota wish was fulfilled. Among others, I also had my very first U.F.O... That thing is incredible.
I was also to go see BEYOOOOONDS at a tour concert for the first time at the NEO BEYO ENCORE Osaka concert on July 23rd! It was also at this concert that I was able to see the new song that is unreleased at the time of writing, Koisuru Ginga! I had no idea that they would perform it, so when it came on I think I screamed (so sorry to everyone who was around me). After the concert, I went out to eat at Bikkuri Donkey with some new friends I made there! This was also a first for me, and it was so fun to listen to their stories. Surprisingly I understood everything. It was so funny though because it was in America-mura and I was like damn... This is so America. More specifically Los Angeles. Go and see for yourself if you have the chance!
Juice 10th Anniversary Encore and individual event
While I was in Osaka, I went to go see Juice=Juice for the first time! So many first times of everything! Sometime before this, I went to my very first individual event to meet Arisawa Ichika, which you can read here!
I've been a fan of Juice=Juice for longer than I have of BEYOOOOONDS, but I think I only started getting hardcore with the addition of Arisawa Ichika to the group in 2021. I had already been following her as she was a H!P Kenshuusei, so to see her join one of my favorite groups was so great! My relationship with the group up to the point was mostly based on how much I loved their music. I think their discography is all bangers. Zero misses, but if I have to be honest if you like a group enough none of their songs will be misses.
Watching their concert in person for the first time, I got a really amazing seat! Or so I would think. I was in the fifth row, so very far up, and I was really excited to be able to see Ichika. And then, conveniently enough my seat was really far on the left side of the stage, which is exactly where Ichika was situated, but the entire concert a stage light was blocking her face. Despite all that I guess I enjoyed watching her from the neck down? And listening to her sing. (lol)
But she did stand up and come into my field of view for her violin part of Future Smile! And that was amazing to see!! I think it's one thing to watch someone play an instrument, but it's another to watch someone who really loves to play their instrument. She's so cool... Gosh she's so cool... At the second half of the performance she moved to the other side of the stage, which meant she was further but at least I could see her!!! She's sooooo cute. I love how she bumbles around, and you can tell that she really loves to perform. She gave it her all even if she was confined to a chair because of her CDH.
Here are some points of the concert I loved:
- It was a lifelong dream to see Senobi live. And on that day I lived that dream. Ichika was also in the unit and I think I was shaking so much I had to get myself together
- Syncrho was also a dream I lived or died through!
- MIPU's first appearance!! She's so tiny and cute and talented?!
- Dambara Ruru yuuuppp that's god
- I was also super blown away by how beautiful everyone is. In particular Ishiyama Sakura
- I was just really turnt up that entire concert. Goodness gracious their music was built for the live environment
The concert made me feel like live in-person was the best way to enjoy Juice=Juice. I think the "Juice=Juice are H!P's Avengers" statement still holds up, even if the OGs are mostly gone at the time of writing. This current 10th anniversary lineup has a ton of charm and a lot of potential in its new additions, and I'm excited to see what the future has in store for the group!
Ever since then, I haven't been able to enjoy a concert video of theirs in silence. I literally have to reserve alone time to watch and catch up with everything in order to enjoy it with penlights and maybe an oshi towel if I feel like it. Juice is peak.
Juicetory, the best Best-Of album ever to be released, released! and I did WithLIVE again
SPEAKING of peak, the peak of all music Juicetory released to commemorate Juice=Juice's 10th anniversary! I'm not even joking when I say this is the most listened to album listed on my Apple Music, and the entire tracklist is within the top 25 of my streaming ranking. There's 14 songs on this album. That's 14 out of 25 songs within the top 25. I think that goes to show how much I love this release.
Being honest, I typically don't enjoy it when a group releases a Best-Of album. Especially as someone who is used to streaming, Best-Of albums are expensive and don't exactly offer new content. That being said, Juice=Juice defied all expectations with the release of Juicetory. I like Best-Of albums now. That's a crazy character development if you ask me!
I like this album so much I can't even rank the songs. But if it means anything, Never Never Surrender and Romance no Tochuu's 2023 re-recorded versions are my most played (ranking #4 and #1 on Apple Music). All of the returning songs are re-arranged and re-recorded, and I agree with every single decision they made for this album. Peak.
And I also did my routinely WithLIVE! I actually missed buying Pride Bright/FUNKY FLUSHIN' because the website is awful and does not let me log in but I tried to make up for it with getting extra for this release. I think this one in particular made me a little crazy (in a good way):
My calls with Arisawa Ichika for 2023, summarized:
October 13th (call 1)
She called me cute and then I threw it back at her. Somehow I amazed her and she told me my Japanese is amazing. I threw it back at her and told her that her English is amazing. And then she told me to teach her!!
October 13th (call 2)
I told her about how pretty she was when I first saw her in person a few months ago, and she told me how happy she was to finally be able to see me. Top 10 warmest moments of my life. She told me to come back more often and now that I've sworn to it I have no choice but to return!!
October 13th (call 3)
I decided to talk to her in English! She was really happy to talk in English, and I think she's been studying a lot harder recently. She told me about what she's been doing to study and how much she does it, and in that moment I felt really happy for her!
October 13th (call 4)
I told her that I learn a lot of Japanese from her and told her I can teach her some English in return! I've been keeping that promise to this day.... I was like "thank you!" and she was like "no, thank you!" and then it just kept going lol
I really love to call Ichika. From hereon out, I'll probably start talking to her mostly in English because it's so much fun! She's really attentive and caring, and sometimes you can tell that she's a fellow wota because of how nice she is. She's also adorable. Mindblowingly adorable. I swore that next time I'll try to not only fix the issue I have with the website but also do like way more calls.
..This pretty much brings me to the end of the year! I think this got long, so I'll probably have to put my impressions of livestreaming/TV/BeyoSPY into another post. I'd say that at the end of the year, I'm feeling my burnout a lot less, and seeing my favorite idols in Japan helped to heal it. I've also been taking more care into how much to support. For example, I've set a FSK purchase limit for the new year. Let's see how long this holds up. If I don't buy 3 FSKs, that's like 1 WithLIVE. girl math
This year I'm most grateful for friends that I've been able to enjoy this hobby with for so long. It's been a wonderful year and having been able to see some of my beloved overseas Beyowota friends go on their oshi-pilgrimages was a ton of fun! Watching my local Beyo/Juicewota friends go to events has also been fun! Overall, I'd say this is the most fun I've had in my years of following idols. Hoping that 2024 is even more fun!!
i know people find this kind of statement annoying but pls excuse my English/writing. as someone working in STEM i literally forgot how to write for fun/creatively. depressing as it sounds .
happy new year folks!!
