endless summer

a poorly written personal essay on burnout, belonging, and the myth of the “real” fan disclaimer: perspective of a hello! project fan located in the US. i'm young dumb and a little stupid. yes i do a thing called "academia" (tragically) but is it about the metropolitanism of the japanese idol hobby . no. take this with the appropriate level of seriousness: some. So if any of you know me, you know that I have latched onto this hobby as if it is the only thing keeping me alive. Arisawa Ichika posted a selfie with some strange, cryptic energy? I'm there. Shimakura Rika is being ethereal on YouTube dot com? I'm SAT! But lately, now especially as I enter a new stage of my life, I've found my will to do... anything, to be missing. Totally burnt out. I can't bring myself to listen to new music or watch content anymore and it's a strange feeling.  My life is... overwhelming. I'm working a job in a passion field (yikes), and I barely have time for myself. C...

what happened? is chloe ok? the chloe state of mind Short answer no. Long answer, I got lazy and busy at the same time. I don't write very much either which is super evident in whatever I produce on twitter dot com or here on my blog. Being a working college student is (as expected) really crazy, and the majority of my time is spent either 1. barking at the screen or 2. unconscious. Ummm but what am I up to? Working. Fortunately I love my job and I love what I study. Unfortunately it's very socially demanding, so by the time I get home I go totally nonverbal. Anyway, over this past year I've realized that there is a really intense need to output things out of my brain. In more normal English this is called "having an outlet" for you to express yourself. Sooooooo, naturally, I decided to pick up this blog again and try to take it seriously. Maybe it will stick and maybe it won't! This isn't exactly being written for an audience either, just for me, or my gr...