i went to my oshi's graduation for the first time (BEYOOOOONDS' Shimakura Rika)
Please note: this sat in my drafts since July 2025. It's a mess. I think it's too difficult to chronicle emotions. Please enjoy the hot mess.
reflecting on the announcement, her dreams, the future
This doesn't come as a shock to anybody who may be reading, but the idol known as Shimakura Rika means absolutely the entire world to me. I think everybody gets an idol like this at least once in their life, if they're lucky. Someone who appears at exactly the right time and quietly rearranges the shape of your world. I met Rika-chan early on in her career and early on in my own life (by early I mean, I was in high school) and she has taken me places I had never even imagined for myself. If it wasn't for her I would not have embarked on the journeys that I have today and I'm endlessly grateful for all the joy that she's brought to my life. But, the graduation announcement.. Everybody goes on and on about how you can't prepare for the inevitable. Those people are right.
BEYOOOOONDS 島倉りかの卒業に関するお知らせhttps://t.co/xrrnYJOIyR#BEYOOOOONDS #ビヨーンズ #ハロプロ #Helloproject
— BEYOOOOONDS (@BEYOOOOONDS_) January 31, 2025
The day I had imagined and prepared for had finally come but I was not ready to confront it. I didn't take it very well at first. Very much a devastating, humbling experience. On the surface, this announcement came out of nowhere, but thinking about the stage of her journey as a person and an artist it was just about time. I can't say with my whole chest that I felt this was an unexpected timing for the announcement. It's been a period of quick and rapid change for BEYOOOOONDS, and Rika-chan has always had her dreams. In recent years, it's felt as though she's gearing herself for something, trying new things, going to new places.. Through her deep love for movies and the incredible variety that she watches, it is only natural that she wants to explore new perspectives. The way she lives her life is very fluid (translation: she does what she wants). It's all of these things about her that I have come to love so much.
From being someone that was totally lost and almost too comfortable, to a shining idol that's still comfortable, but now stepping out into the wider world out of her comfort zone. I am proud of her every step of the way.
BUT where am I? I'm sitting at home several thousand miles away in California, crying sobbing weeping at 7am. Called sick from work. I wasn't really confident in my budgeting either but, I decided that I was going to go to Japan and see Rika-chan for what actually might be the last time. More than anything else in the world I needed to go see her and I needed to somehow express my gratitude. For overseas fans, it's incredibly difficult to have your support feel meaningful, and while it's completely fine to stay home-- I thought I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't go. Naturally I went.
embark! To RikaSUMMER, BALLROOOOOM!
I landed in Japan and immediately went to RikaSUMMER, which I had miraculously won entry to. Thank goodness, because if I had missed it I probably would have dissolved into dust on the spot. The real shock, however, came when she performed her collaboration song with Gekkan Entame: "Utakata Lilac". I was so overwhelmed I started crying almost immediately. Just standing there thinking: Shimakura Rika, why must you be so beautiful? Truly, the ultimate despair!!
It was also my first real FC event experience, which made the feeling strangely bittersweet. I had finally made it to one… and it would also be the last. But in a way, that made it feel special. I finally got to sit there and bask in the simple realization of how much I love this idol. Worth.
Then came BALLROOOOOM, which was incredible!! The whole concert felt like a loving homage to early BEYOOOOONDS. The way the members showcased Rika-chan throughout the show felt so warm, so clearly full of affection. It was obvious how much they adore her... As a sendoff tour concept, it was so beautiful. BEYOOOOONDS always manages to surprise me with how creative they are.
After that concert, however, I became violently sad. Naturally, the only logical response to being violently sad was to go to RikaSUMMER in Aichi.
And it was… a ton of fun. Somehow.
Then I found out there would be a send-off, which meant I would get to talk to Rika-chan for the first time since the graduation announcement.
So naturally, I totally freaked. And then when I actually saw her, every single thought in my brain disappeared except one: wow, what a beautiful lovely radiant woman.
But something that made me incredibly happy was that she recognized me. That moment alone probably shaved ten years off my lifespan from emotional shock. But also… I was just happy. I love her.
a final talk and bawl at the shosen book tower
Literally nothing could have prepared me for the final talk event.
I had never done one before, and while friends told me that SHOSEN events are pretty lax, that did not stop me from panicking. I also have a terrible habit of deciding what I'm going to say approximately two seconds before I walk into the booth. This is, objectively, terrible planning, but somehow it always works out. When I actually try to plan things in advance I end up tripping over my own words.
However, sitting in Burger King literally for three entire hours beforehand, I panicked harder than I ever have in my life.
(Also pro tip: pick up the tickets several days in advance.)
When I arrived, I recognized most of the people there, which was really fun. But there was also this strange atmosphere in the air. A mix of devastation and nervous energy. Everyone seemed aware that this was the final talk event, and that made the room feel a little heavier than usual.
Going into this, the main thing I wanted to tell Rika-chan was how grateful I was to have met her.
Since the graduation announcement, I've been thinking a lot about the idea of journeys. Rika-chan is about to go abroad and begin a new one, and supporting her has been a journey of its own for me. I started following her when I was an actual child. Coming to the SHOSEN Book Tower, meeting fans from around the world, learning another language… all of it became part of my life because of her.
The person I was before I met Rika-chan was very timid. I still am, honestly. But the me from back then would have never imagined traveling this far, speaking another language, or standing in line to tell an idol how much she meant to me.
Because of Rika-chan, I got to live in two different worlds. So as she goes abroad, I hope more than anything that she gets to experience that same feeling.
The line leading up to the booth was unbelievably tense. And then suddenly Rika-chan's voice came over the intercom saying something like: "Even if you can't talk well, it's okay! I understand!" And I immediately thought: this is why I loooove you....
There was some confusion about whether tickets could be looped or had to be stacked. I was fifth in line and everyone ahead of me stacked theirs, so I abandoned my original plan and stacked three tickets for one longer conversation.
My introduction went something like this:
Me: Hi! It's Chloe, I just wanted to express how grateful I am so much that I flew over to Japan
Rika: I know, thank you so much
Me: I'm just so grateful to you from the bottom of my heart. I'm so glad I met you
Rika: I could say the same, ugh, I cried (is actually crying.....?!)
Me: Oh my god I'm so sorry! (crying) I'm also really happy that I got to go see you live! I'm lucky!
Rika: Right! I'm glad, thanks for coming
Me: Thank you for everything. It's thanks to you that my horizons have broadened this much.
Rika: I'm happy to hear that! Thank you, that's amazing.
Me: I'm so grateful! Thank you for choosing this path..
Rika: Thank you too!
Me: I hope that your study abroad will be full of amazing experiences!
Rika: I'll do my best! And with my English! I'll study hard so that I can talk to you in English someday.
Me (English): You got this! Do your best!
Rika (English): I can do it! YES!
I actually still feel intensely bad and guilty that I started the crying. It's just, when you are carrying so much emotion... Carrying the pressure of this being the possible last time, it's hard to not just let go. So let this be my informal-formal apology to everybody and I mean everybody at the event.
crying a river, an ocean even (the concert)
Nothing could have prepared me for the graduation concert.
I cried before it started, during, through the MCs, through the graduation solo, so much so that at one point (I think during "Namida no Castanet"?) I had to laugh because the situation was straight ridiculous and I looked a mess.
But more than anything, I felt proud! Watching Rika-chan standing there at the center of BEYOOOOONDS, smiling brightly until the very end, I felt overwhelmingly proud that this was the idol I chose to support all these years ago.
the aftermath
The strange thing about idol graduations is that life continues normally afterward. You wake up, go to work, check your phone, scroll through the feeds. The world does not dramatically collapse just because your favorite idol has moved on and is living life (in Toronto, Canada). Admittedly, I definitely engage with my oshikatsu less. Something feels missing from it, and I can't shake the feeling of that absence.
Still, when I think back on everything— the concerts, events, the conversations, friendships, the ridiculous crying over nothing— I don't feel regret.
Shimakura Rika changed my world in quiet, irreversible ways. And if supporting her helped push me even a little bit further into the world than I would have gone otherwise, then I think that journey was worth it.
So Rika-chan, wherever your next adventure takes you: I'll always be cheering for you.
(And please study English. I am waiting!!!)
