endless summer

a poorly written personal essay on burnout, belonging, and the myth of the “real” fan disclaimer: perspective of a hello! project fan located in the US. i'm young dumb and a little stupid. yes i do a thing called "academia" (tragically) but is it about the metropolitanism of the japanese idol hobby . no. take this with the appropriate level of seriousness: some. So if any of you know me, you know that I have latched onto this hobby as if it is the only thing keeping me alive. Arisawa Ichika posted a selfie with some strange, cryptic energy? I'm there. Shimakura Rika is being ethereal on YouTube dot com? I'm SAT! But lately, now especially as I enter a new stage of my life, I've found my will to do... anything, to be missing. Totally burnt out. I can't bring myself to listen to new music or watch content anymore and it's a strange feeling.  My life is... overwhelming. I'm working a job in a passion field (yikes), and I barely have time for myself. C...

  Please note: this sat in my drafts since July 2025. It's a mess. I think it's too difficult to chronicle emotions. Please enjoy the hot mess. reflecting on the announcement, her dreams, the future This doesn't come as a shock to anybody who may be reading, but the idol known as Shimakura Rika means absolutely the entire world to me. I think everybody gets an idol like this at least once in their life, if they're lucky. Someone who appears at exactly the right time and quietly rearranges the shape of your world. I met Rika-chan early on in her career and early on in my own life (by early I mean, I was in high school) and she has taken me places I had never even imagined for myself. If it wasn't for her I would not have embarked on the journeys that I have today and I'm endlessly grateful for all the joy that she's brought to my life. But, the graduation announcement.. Everybody goes on and on about how you can't prepare for the inevitable. Those peo...